Monday, September 27, 2010

EPISODE 1 - THE DRUGGED UP LESBIAN WHO CORNERED ME IN THE BATHROOM ON HER 21 RUN!

So I was having drinks with a guy we'll call "Hef" at a local sports bar on our first official night "hanging out". We're drinking beers (Hefeweisen, whatta ya know?), watching football and playing pool. It turned out that we stole the pool table from a girl and guy who had gone outside to smoke and when they came back they were sad to see they had lost their table. The girl, who we'll call "Barbie Heels" was on her 21 run with her male roommate and was intoxicated to the point that she was swaying back and forth as she meandered toward us in her hot pink stiletto barbie heels. Once she had reached her destination she stopped, faced us and with a huge grin and way too much enthusiasm asked if we could please let them know when we were done with our game bc they were still playing. She then began to explain to us how she was really sorry and she wasn't usually like this but it was her 21st Birthday...I think she decided that this meant that we were all now friends and continued to chat it up with us.

My date "Hef" was an ex-smoker who once drinking reverted to his old habits. Despite my objection, he decided to join "Barbie Heels" and her male roomie outside for a smoke. Because I objected, I decided to stay inside to make a statement. This is the evening took a turn... It turns out, conversation outside was centered around myself and "Hef" and how it was our first date. "Barbie Heels" told "Hef" that I was so cute and he was a lucky guy, she then asked what I did for work. He did not seem to get my career path right because he said that I was an Administrative Asst., "Barbie Heels" replied, "Oh, Administrative Asst's like to bend over and take it up the Ass!"...once they came back inside, she decided it was imperative that she talk to me about this and disclose her outburst. She brought be into the bathroom and decided to tell me how she was really sorry but she told him that I like to take it up the Ass because he said that I was an Admin., as she said this she started putting her face closer and closer to mine and asking if I indeed liked it up the ass. She then started telling me how I was a really cute girl and that "Hef" was a lucky guy and complimenting my boobs. She told me that when she gets her tax return she is getting a boob job and then proceeded to ask if I had ever participated in any bisexual behavior. I told her that I had not to keep myself distant from the situation because it was starting to take quite an interesting turn, I was pretty on edge thinking this girl was going to push me into a stall at any moment. She started telling me that she had a crush on her male roommate and that the 4 of us should all hang out bc she likes girls and guys. Keep in mind this girl can barely stand up and is slurring her words immensely all while talking 2 inches from my face and touching my waist every chance she got.

Right when I was starting to get really really nervous and was beginning to plan my path to escape the bartender popped her head in and saved the day. She thought the girl was in there throwing up and was coming to check on her. Yes! My chance to escape. I excused myself and returned to "Hef"! We continued our date and on the way out the girl stopped me again, she wanted to be friends and said she would add me on Facebook. She asked where I lived and luckily I could get away with saying "Seattle" and not disclosing my last name. Don't think she'll find me, whew! But I am pretty weary about returning to the bar bc my BFF "Barbie Heels" might be there waiting for me!!!

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