EPISODE 1 - THE DRUGGED UP LESBIAN WHO CORNERED ME IN THE BATHROOM ON HER 21 RUN!

So I was having drinks with a guy we'll call "Hef" at a local sports bar on our first official night "hanging out". We're drinking beers (Hefeweisen, whatta ya know?), watching football and playing pool. It turned out that we stole the pool table from a girl and guy who had gone outside to smoke and when they came back they were sad to see they had lost their table. The girl, who we'll call "Barbie Heels" was on her 21 run with her male roommate and was intoxicated to the point that she was swaying back and forth as she meandered toward us in her hot pink stiletto barbie heels. Once she had reached her destination she stopped, faced us and with a huge grin and way too much enthusiasm asked if we could please let them know when we were done with our game bc they were still playing. She then began to explain to us how she was really sorry and she wasn't usually like this but it was her 21st Birthday...I think she decided that this meant that we were all now friends and continued to chat it up with us.

My date "Hef" was an ex-smoker who once drinking reverted to his old habits. Despite my objection, he decided to join "Barbie Heels" and her male roomie outside for a smoke. Because I objected, I decided to stay inside to make a statement. This is the evening took a turn... It turns out, conversation outside was centered around myself and "Hef" and how it was our first date. "Barbie Heels" told "Hef" that I was so cute and he was a lucky guy, she then asked what I did for work. He did not seem to get my career path right because he said that I was an Administrative Asst., "Barbie Heels" replied, "Oh, Administrative Asst's like to bend over and take it up the Ass!"...once they came back inside, she decided it was imperative that she talk to me about this and disclose her outburst. She brought be into the bathroom and decided to tell me how she was really sorry but she told him that I like to take it up the Ass because he said that I was an Admin., as she said this she started putting her face closer and closer to mine and asking if I indeed liked it up the ass. She then started telling me how I was a really cute girl and that "Hef" was a lucky guy and complimenting my boobs. She told me that when she gets her tax return she is getting a boob job and then proceeded to ask if I had ever participated in any bisexual behavior. I told her that I had not to keep myself distant from the situation because it was starting to take quite an interesting turn, I was pretty on edge thinking this girl was going to push me into a stall at any moment. She started telling me that she had a crush on her male roommate and that the 4 of us should all hang out bc she likes girls and guys. Keep in mind this girl can barely stand up and is slurring her words immensely all while talking 2 inches from my face and touching my waist every chance she got.

Right when I was starting to get really really nervous and was beginning to plan my path to escape the bartender popped her head in and saved the day. She thought the girl was in there throwing up and was coming to check on her. Yes! My chance to escape. I excused myself and returned to "Hef"! We continued our date and on the way out the girl stopped me again, she wanted to be friends and said she would add me on Facebook. She asked where I lived and luckily I could get away with saying "Seattle" and not disclosing my last name. Don't think she'll find me, whew! But I am pretty weary about returning to the bar bc my BFF "Barbie Heels" might be there waiting for me!!!

Luck of the Irish

I've been to Ireland twice. The first time I went, I was visiting family; the second time I went, I was visiting a friend studying in Galway and basically living in a frat house. This is a story from the second trip.

My friend Beth was living with 3 guys: Ronan, James and Finn. James had had his teeth kicked in the week before, and besides that was unavailable because Beth was hooking up with him. There was also Michael, who -it took me a while to figure out-did not actually live there. All were attractive and all impossible to understand. Michael had possibly the best Irish accent in all of Ireland, and also didn't have red hair, making him the most attractive.

I was in love.

The problem with Irish boys is that they have a very, very hard time doing anything besides drinking, playing video games and speaking in their Irish accents. This is a problem because if you are in Ireland for a limited amount of time and you have one specific Irishman you want to hook up with, you have an agenda, and watching him act like an idiot is not part of it.

I'm pretty reserved when I'm not drinking, but like anyone else I can turn into a shameless shitshow after throwing back a few. As I ran around Galway with the other Americans one night, downing pints of Guiness that I think may have been the exchange for slapping my ass, I had Michael in the back of my mind; he would be mine!

We got back to the Irish frat house to find Michael and other less attractive Irishmen, with girls I could only assume were hookers. I managed to subtly (ok, not at all) throw myself on Michael and got him to get the other girls to leave. We were alone at last, except for the drunkard that was passed out and snoring next to us on the couch.

We made a fort out of a blanket and started making out under it, but eventually the snoring got to be too much for me and I suggested that we head over to Michael's apartment.

He groaned, and informed that his apartment was "sooo far away" and it would take "forever" to get there. Beth had told me earlier about the laziness of Irish boys, so I decided to chance it. We climbed out the window (Irish frat boys don't use doors) and into the near-daylight. It turned out that Michael lived on the other side of the student apartment complex, approximately a 49 second walk.

We get to his bedroom and continue where we left off. After giving him the "no glove no love" ultimatum, I climbed atop the condomed Michael. I was getting ready to get off him and switch positions when I looked down at our naked loins and realized that I'd just perioded all. Over. Him.

I freaked out and got back into position. He asked what was wrong and I said I couldn't tell him, and that I couldn't get off of him. Obviously that freaked him out, but I was clutching him too tightly for him to do anything. I finally had to explain to him that I may have gotten my period during sex, and that it was all over him. I think it took him a second to recall what a period was, but once he did, he said I could grab a towel and hop in the shower.

I thought about this, but was convinced that he would try to look, and I didn't want him to see the mess, so I grabbed a pillow and placed it on his face. In my delusional, sleep deprived and drunk ass mind, I was convinced that he would try to peek, so I pressed down on the pillow, essentially suffocating him.

I finally pumped myself up enough to get off of him, and with a shudder realized that I had made a MESS on him. I informed him that he would have to take a shower too. For whatever reason he thought I meant with ME, so that's what we did, in the TINIEST shower ever. I still had my makeup on from the night before, so not only did Michael see my period blood, but he also saw me looking like a raccoon.

It was not my finest moment.

He ended up running across the street for me to get tampons from a girl...but apparently they don't use tampons. He essentially came back with a bag of diapers for me; I was wearing a thong and leggings- pads would never work. I ran back to Beth's, grabbed a tampon, and returned to Michael's, where he seemed to have completely forgotten about the period incident.

We started making out and he tried to get it on again, informing me that he didn't care about my period, he was going home that weekend anyway and his mother could wash his sheets.

Those lazy Irish boys...

2 posts in one day?

Alright, I have had a couple glasses of wine tonight and as usual, am feeling in the mood to overshare :)

So, one very exciting and fulfilling activity my roommates and I are partaking, is PLENTYOFFISH.COM!!!!!!  We love it.  (Hope I didn't embarass said roomies?) 

Anyways, there have been some incredibly entertaining profiles.  One guy in particular- his profile name was, "DiaperBoy."  No joke.  His pictures were all him laying in a crib wearing nothing but adult diapers!  I messaged him for a kick- and he said that wearing diapers was his fetish.  Hmmm.  Very creepy.

Some common characteristics of men I have noticed on POF- short men (have a hard time attracting women?), military men (desperate for that feminine touch), and men that are 28-29 yrs old ("oh shit! I'm almost 30! better get busy..").  Any guy that I have made the mistake of giving my number has been a little too persistent- calling, texting, calling, texting, even with no provocation!  Get a grip, dude.

This is my first time online dating.  Although I have had almost no luck (I did meet Tugboat here), it is strangely addicting- "who messaged me now? Wait- who's that cute fella there? Maybe he's my... *sigh* sooouuulmaaate....." (swoon).

Despite all the losers on POF, I'm still hoping for my winner.  I made a goal to obtain at least one hot date for the weekend!!

QUESTION FOR MY LADIES...

SO...Question...how much is too much! Is this a completely uncensored Blog or would you like me to infuse a little class on my posts? I was going to title my next blog post the following...let me know if this is too much. I don't know who we are sending this to, to view.


EPISODE 1 - THE DRUGGED UP LESBIAN WHO CORNERED ME IN THE BATHROOM ON HER 21 RUN!

Yay! Let the JuIce FeSt begin!

So first off I want to say Yay Roomie for starting this Blog! I think we are all such great girls and the dating scene is such a crazy mess that we always have a ton of stories to dish out! Guys sit there wondering where all the great girls are...well...we are right HERE and maybe after reading this you'll begin to understand a few things...how we think...how we react...and most importantly how we got so complicated and confused by you men! You think you are normal, we think we are normal...but everyone is different and when all these crazy personalities intertwine by dating eachother it just ends up one crazy, entertaining, dating mess! All we can do is sit back and hold on and hope that somewhere along this crazy roller coaster of life we finally end up with someone great...for longer than a week, a month or a few years!

I'm a little weary about sharing too many details about my specific dating occurences but there are tons of things that come up that I will definitely share and just wait... I am one outrageous gal, and I always have some pretty funny stuff happen to me!

Our new blog!

Oh boy, this is so fun!  Now I can call myself an official "blogger."  Here we can detail our single lives, document every dating escapade of the girls at 5th Ave (and guests)-what fun. 

Where to start?  Well, I already overshared my current dating details and am pretty sick of repeating them, so as soon as I have some new exciting information, I will share!

Roomies? (p.s. are we going to use our real names?  Assuming not) Any fun dating stories?